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 Title: Mislead
Fandom: Bleach
Pairing: Grimmjow/Ulquiorra
Genre: Humour
Rating: T
Status: In-progress
Summary: Grimmjow and Ulquiorra's parents decide to set them up on a blind date.

Theme #25: Mislead (PART ONE)

For c. cristina

Today was Grimmjow's lucky day.

It did not matter that his date seemed unhappy, it was still his lucky day. When he was first told last week by his parents, Gin and Rangiku, that they had arranged for him to meet their friends' daughter, he had thought that there must have been something wrong with the woman. She must have been ugly or fat or something. I mean, why else would a chick need her parents to fix her up on a date, right? After all, a good-looking woman, even if she has nothing upstairs (her head), would be able to get a date. So this one must be an eyesore.

Of course, his mom had said that Gin was close to her father, Aizen, and that Gin and Aizen thought that their kids would make a wonderful match.

Uh-huh. Right. He didn't buy that.

Yeah, great excuse for covering up the fact that your daughter is fugly, Grimmjow had thought at the time.

So, with this thought in mind, Grimmjow had tried everything he could to worm out of this arrangement. He had tried everything, from pretending to have other plans to feigning sickness, but his parents knew better than that. Defeated and sulky, getting ready for his date just now was anything but exciting. He had woken up that morning in a bad mood, not looking forward to meeting his assumed ugly-and-fat date in the least. The fact that their fathers would be accompanying them was another downer – it meant that he would not be able to bail out on the date early.

But as soon as he had laid eyes on his date, whoa, boy, did he change his mind.

He had turned from being sulky to an utter gentleman.

Why, you ask?

Oh, it was because his date, his date...

Well, to put it simply:

She was smoking hot.

Sure, she was lacking in tits, her voice was a bit too deep for a woman, and she was not much of a talker (he didn't blame her, though. If he was a woman and he had a voice like that, he wouldn't want to talk too) but damn, you should have seen her. She was classy. Her skin, though rather pale, contrasted well with her raven tresses, which framed her doll-like face. Her body was slim and slender – he would bet anything that she would fit perfectly in his arms. And her eyes, damn, her eyes. She had eyes like no other. They were so green, one could get lost in them. They were so beautiful... so unique. Just looking at her was enough to take his breath away. She was easily the most attractive woman he had ever met.

Too bad she seemed like she was in a bad mood.

Apparently, she was not too happy that her father had made her wear a dress for the occasion. If she was unhappy about having Aizen for a father – what a prick – he could understand, but the dress? Grimmjow did not see what was there to complain about, really. She looked fucking fantastic in that number. That bottle-green dress of hers not only matched her eyes, but it hugged her in all the right places. And it was not too revealing either.

, Grimmjow thought as he snuck a look at her, what she lacks in tits, she makes up with a cute, fuckable butt.

Just keeping his eyeballs in their sockets took a major effort on his part.

What he would give to give that cute little ass a tight squeeze.

Ulquiorra – yeah, that's her name – fidgeted in her seat for what must have been the umpteenth time during their entire ride to the restaurant. It seemed that she was still not comfortable in that dress of hers. Her displeasure for it showed clearly on her face.

No matter. He would take it upon himself to cheer her right up.

"So, Miss Cifer," Grimmjow said, giving her a charming smile. For some reason, this only made her narrow her eyes at him, but he ignored that and went on. "Are you still studying?"

"Yes," she said curtly.

And she said nothing more on the subject. Nor did she attempt to pick up the thread of the conversation. Just like she had done with their previous attempts at a conversation. Or rather, Grimmjow's attempts.

Damn. She was difficult.

No woman had ever resisted his charms before. Usually, all he had to do was flash a smile at them and he would have them swooning at his feet.

Never mind.

He always liked a challenge.

And so, with an award-winning smile, Grimmjow attempted once more to make conversation with her. Even if she did not seem interested in talking to him, he did not give up. Heck, when they arrived at the restaurant, he opened the car door for her. Not only that, when they entered the restaurant, he opened the door for her. And when they were about to sit at their table, he pulled out the chair for her. Like the perfect gentleman. For some reason, these acts of chivalry only seemed to irk her even more, and he heard her say something about "treating me like as if I'm a woman", but he did not care. He was going to make her like him no matter what, and women like Ulquiorra just did not allow men who were nothing but gentlemen touch them.

What Grimmjow wants, Grimmjow gets, and what he wanted was Ulquiorra.

"So, Ul- Oops-!" He had accidentally knocked his spoon off the table. "Sorry, sorry, give me a minute."

Ulquiorra could barely stop herself from rolling her eyes when Grimmjow bent down to pick his spoon off the floor.

Heh. Grimmjow twirled the spoon between his fingers, tossed it up, then deftly snatched it from the air. Got it. He was about to get up when he caught sight of Ulquiorra's ankles. Mm... A perverted grin spread across his face as his eyes travelled higher. Such a sexy pair of legs... he thought as he licked his lips. So smooth and slim. If only he could grab a hold of those legs and spread them as their owner lay below him. That would be a fucking amazing sight. His eyes travelled up higher, then stopped. Wait a minute. He furrowed his eyebrows. Why was she wearing boxers...? And- he squinted. If he looked properly, inside the opening for one of the legs of her boxers, he could see...

Grimmjow paled.

"So," Gin said conversationally, placing his chin on the palm of his hand as he looked at Aizen, a mischievous grin on his face. "Do ya think he has figured it out yet?"

"Hm?" Aizen said. He picked up his glass of champagne. "No, not yet."

"Yer sure?"


There was a pregnant pause.

And then-


Aizen smirked.

"Now he has figured it out." He raised his glass. "Cheers."

"Cheers." Gin chuckled and clinked glasses with him. "Best. Prank. Ever."


Ulquiorra only sighed.

He could not wait for this night to end.
Disclaimer:  Bleach is not mine.